Loopholes: Fire Emblem
by BlackCypress
Summary: Yet another Loopholes Fic. A few short stories and retelling of battles from a few characters within Lyndis's army. PG due to the Gay Bard.


Authors Notes: These are some story exerpts that have been laying around on my computer for a while. I was supposed to re-write all of Fire Emblem's great battles with a very humorus view, but I lost intrest in the game. So, I'll present to you the parts I did manage to write.  
  
---  
  
The battles before had been grueling and tough, promising to only get harder as time progressed. Lyn's enemies were getting stronger with every fight. They'd spread out, in groups of twos or threes under the tactician's guidance, with Lyn held in reserve behind the front lines. If the leader was lost, the moral of the troops would drop to virtually nothing and the war would be lost.  
  
"Marcus!" The Tactician had cried across the feilds, waving his arms frantically to attain the attention of the man on horse back. "Rid ahead to the castle! Give them something to worry about, alright!"  
  
"Yes sir! Right away, Sir!" Came the call of the valiant knight, weilding great sword of iron and a long steel lancet. His stallion already picking the way and the path, galloping over the countryside into the fray of the ground troops that were in their way.  
  
The response was immediate, the troops moving as one to intercept Marucs and take him doen off his horse.  
  
"CHAAARGE!" Announced the groups leader, looking back at his men to call the attack. Just to find himself impaled upon the lance of the knight. "Argh! Avenge me!"  
  
"Sir!" Came the scream of one of the swordsmen. Seeing their command fall and lunging forward. Directly onto the knight's lance. "Argh, Aveng-" The annoyed knight cutting off his words with a blow from his sword.  
  
"Vile Knight! What darkness do you work for!" Roared a Javlineer as he rushed to dismount MArcus from his steed. The horse nimbly prancing back and to the side, allowing the knight to impale the Javlinnere as well.  
  
"... You know, these have got to be the stupidest men I've ever encountered." Marcus muttered under his breath, pushing corpses off his lance and glaring around at the rest of the now fleeing enemy. "Get back here!"  
  
"Tactician!" Lyn shouted suddenly to the man leading the troops. From the woods nearby, a group of Javlineers had arrived, sneering and chortling as their mast had fooled the Tactician into beliving they had nothing to fear, leaving Lyn undefended.  
  
"I see 'em! You'll be fine!" Tactician taking a moment to pull the Bard close to him and give him a few words of direction, saving the young lad for a bit later.  
  
The Javlineers surrounded Lyn, sneering and calling names. Their master wanted the sorry little girl dead and they'd get quite a reward if they brought the master her head.   
  
"Ha-ha! My weapon is better than yours! Give up now, little girl!" Said oen man as he stepped into the circle of men, menacing her with his weapon.  
  
"So? Bigger isnt better, testoserone boy." Lyn sneered in return.  
  
"I'll show you, foolish child!" He roared, lifting sheild and javelin, rushing forward to strike her with all his might. Nevermind the point of Lyn merely sidestepping and the man rushing past her, tripping over a rock and clattering to the ground.  
  
"Curses and drat! You were lucky, little girl, I was goign easy, now you'll have to fa-AAAHHHH!"  
  
His last words were full of false promises and threats as Lyn had drawn her sword, which began to flicker and flame in the light, dawinf power from the life around her. The men fell to their knees in dismay as a large portion of their leader's body vaporized under the girl's mighty weapon.  
  
"Brothers! Aven-"  
  
"For the love of mike, shut up." Lyn growled and kicked him until he stopped moving. The rest of the men quickly fled lest they end up with the same fate.  
  
The battle continued, the bard being sent out into the battle, valiantly trying to catch up with Lyn who was now moving twords the front lines as the enemy was proving weak. Marcus galloped across the vision of the veiwer, just to prance around another Javelineer.  
  
"Well good man," Marcus spoke plesantly to his enemies, his weapons covored in the blood of their friends, his horse and armor equally spattered with the violence of the day. "It seems our weapons are of same length and equal matter. And yet, I strike twice as fast, as well as having the vantage point from riding a horse. Pray tell, who is likely to win in this event?"  
  
"ME!" The foolish lancist lept forward before the question cold fully be asked. Ofcourse, he vound a lance sticking out of his chest. "Crap." And then he died.  
  
At length, as the battle neared an end, the master having fallen from his perch and Lyndis's army mearly killing off the few rebellious straggelers, the small and sweet bard pranced around the woman. His song was sweet and quick, envigorating indeed, though repetitive and getting annoying. At least all the men had gathered round to protect her fairly well.  
  
"Would you mind? Stop doing that," Lyn snapped once after a hard time killing another swordsman. "You look gay when you do that."  
  
"Oh, but I am." The bard smiled, bright and happy, answering sweetly.  
  
The rest of the men in Lyn's party paled quite abruptly and made sure to buzy themselves with looting corpses and killing the last of the enemy.  
  
--  
  
Some time later, they had aquired a Black Mage with a formidable amount of spells under his array of knowledge. In exchange for the three man protection given to him by the Tactician, he was sending far reaching spells around the battlegrouns like childrens play things. Now and then, ofcourse, he'd recount the tale of his first encounter with one of the enemies generals.  
  
"-And you see, his armor was so thick that none of the others could, by definition, get through and cause enough deadly damage to destroy such a barrier. Lyn was quite in luck that I'd come to learn alovely new spell in my travels with her. From this book here, you see."  
  
"Looks like its falling apart, good sir." Remarked one of the travelers he had chosen to speak to that night.  
  
"Indeed! The spell had proven quite handy against the generals as they had left themselves open to a terrible thing. You see, this general I'd learned from. He was ranting, laughing at our problems with his armor. 'Haha!', he said, 'You may have taken my Ballista, but you'll never catch me!'"  
  
"So what did you do to him, good mage? A fireball? A rust spell? Perhaps a silence to shut his dreaful yap?"  
  
"Oh no. I step up to him quite simply, you see, and the Tactician pulled the rest of his men back. This was his idea, after all. Good lad, the Tactician. He'd pointed out all that nice thick metal surrounding the general. Full plate armor no less, and chain mail beneath to boot. So I walk up to him, see, and says I, 'Have you ever heard of a spell called Lightning, your lordship?'."  
  
"Oh my word!"  
  
"He said something to a similar effect actually. Quite a bit of cursing before I cast my spell. The smell was terrible. All that burning hair and boiling sweat and the likes. Ah, but I was new to the spell at the time so it only took him down a few notches. Lucky for me, he was slow to his weapon and the Tactician bade me to cast again."  
  
"Did you kill him?"  
  
"I confess, I did not. It was Lyndis who felled the mortal blow. She was sweet, she was, stepping up beside him as he dropped to his knees and patting his head. She said to him very sweetly, such a sugary tone, 'Hello your lordhip, I'm that girl you were sent to kill.' And he was frothing in rage. But her next words I'll never forget, or the sadistic look on her face?"  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"She said to him, quite clear and yet soft, 'We went on a side quest some time ago, to help our bardic friends. And you know, I attained this lovely sword from one of your friends. Have you ever seen an Armor Buster, your lordship? Its funny really, we had no idea what it did until now. Do hold still, wont you?'... It was a sight, yes it was. The man screamed like a banshee as she tore through his armor and into his carcass. I tell you, you do not want to make Lyndis angry at you."  
  
--  
  
"Hey Tactician! Look at this thing!" The knight waved something small and shiny in his face.  
  
"Eh? What is this thing?" The man in the green robes blinked, trying to get the hyperactive knight to stop waving his fist around.  
  
"Its a crest! Order me to use it!" The knight beamed, looking impressive.  
  
"You're dumb enough that I have to clearly and specifically order you to use a benificial item I didnt even know you had before?" Tactician looked at the knight with an annoyed expression.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"And the other knights call you a Lord because WHY?!" The Tactician jabbed at the knight's soft parts, increasingly annoyed.  
  
"Hey!"   
  
"Alright, alright, fine." The Tactician rubbed the bridge of his nose, then stiffened upr ight, squaring his shoulders, pointing at the Knight. "KNIGHT! Use your KNIGHTS CREST!"  
  
Lightning erupts from the crest as the knight holds it up above his head, turning the knight instantly to ash. The Tactician bodggles as he seems to have lost a man to utter stupidity. "Uh, oops?"  
  
After a moment the ash rises and churns, reforming the man and his armor, now a much higher grade, carrying massive weapon. His expression a touch rabid and wild. "AAAHAHAHAHAAA! I AM MOST POWEFUL NOW! THE WORLD SHALL BE MINE!"  
  
"You're also Undead, from the looks of it. Cleric! Use HEAL GENERAL!" The Tactician yelled across the field.  
  
"Yes sir!" Came the chipper reply from the woman, and pretty colors danced around the undead general.  
  
"AAAAHHH! Why do you spurn my love! NOOO! The pain! IT BURNS!"  
  
---  
  
After this battle inwhich the General made his first apperance, the troops aremoving into the next battleground, having difficulty rattign the enemy out of fog laden forestry. The going is tough and rough and the Bard is out prancing about in efforts to keep up morale.  
  
The general rested his massive bulked up self and heavy armor beside the bridge they all had needed to cross. The weather hadnt been treating him too well. "Whew. This terrain is tough travelwork."  
  
Frowning at the murky skies through the minutes, the Tactician elicits a curse. "Its going to rain. Evryone, move as far and fast as you can before it storms. Er.. Bard?"  
  
"Yessir?" The small man peered out from behind the great big general, leaning up tight against his armor and stroking his helm lightly.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Umm.. Giving him energy and incentive to move?" Dew brushed lashes sweeping over his cheeks as he fluttered them in his skull, smiling flirtatiously at the Tactician.  
  
The General looked up from his contemplation, realising the conversation was revolving around him and he'd not noticed the Bard before. "Eh? What is he doing?"  
  
The Tactician looked at the General pityingly a moment then spoke to the Bard. "I don't think your helping."  
  
The bard sniffed slightly and tried to hug the armored man. "But... but.. He's just so.. So.. SEXY!"  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!" The General screamed, catching on. He stood abruptly, shaking the bard off, and fled across the brige where the rest of the troops were waiting.  
  
"Then again..." The Tactician mused, laughing. He held out his hand to the bard, and they continued to laugh as they crossed the bridge and joined the others.  
  
---  
  
"You know, I think I'm becoming a danger to those around me." Marcus mumbled as he sat around the campfire with the rest, going over the day's tactics.  
  
"What makes you say that?" Lyndis asked him curiously, sipping a hot mug of tea.  
  
"Werent you watching the battle today? I most certaintly wasnt. I just stopped to talk to Rage for a moment. All I did was hold my lance out at an angle, and next thing I know, theres a dead barbarian on it."  
  
"Well, he was attacking you." Lyn pointed out.  
  
Marcus looked surprised. "He was? You mean I got attacked and didnt even notice?!"  
  
"Twice, actually. You've got the reflexes of a tiger it seems." The Tactician added, chuckling at MArcus's horrified look.  
  
"Either God really likes me, or he's got an extremely twisted sense of humor." The kight gave in after a moment and got himself some tea.  
  
"Yes." Remarked the Tactician before ordering everyone to get some shut eye before the next battle.  
  
---  
  
The story thats missing: The Legend of Erk. [Missed him in the game or he died quickly. Im going to have to replay for his information. A friend of mine implied he was very girly in his evolved form though, and put even the gay bard to shame.] 


End file.
